One of the hardest things that I've come across is betrayal , whether from friends or lovers. For the past year I have really been through a lot . Hating every moment and wondering what I did wrong , but as it turns out I did everything right so what's the issue?
I press this a lot on myself because I'm always at a halt with my thoughts and then again I start rethinking-it all over again .
As I learned clearly some time ago , that no matter what how long you are with a person there is a 100% percent chance of them cheating some way somehow . It's just a fact, and as a woman we try to be forgiving in hope of a change from a partner . Sadly I've come to find out that it's never that way anymore.
It's really harsh to live like this , and really feeling that we have no power to make that change for myself.
See, a while back I dated a guy name X who's tendencies where more than obvious, he had this hard demeanor to himself and always look so defensive . Me carrying a whole package of pain in my heart , I slowly caved into this idea of hope and maybe love. Literally , maybe turns out that almost a year into this so called relationship his own friend exposed him . We were having a deep conversation and he just with a raw sense of humor said " You know X isn't taking you seriously ." I honestly looked at him baffled and confused , like why are you telling me , he repeatedly said "he's not what you think , he knows that your vulnerable and he's taking advantage of the situations". That was so much for me too handle totally out of the blue and wondering , why would someone tell me this , especially a friend of his . Hmmmm; Interest maybe. That really stuck to me and if you are a women reading this , you know the insecurity and distrust that follows.
Fast forward here we are June something and my nephew invites me to his baby shower outside the city , and of course me being me I go . In my mind and head I know I can't trust X and all these weird feelings come over me . Before, I left I told him promise me you'll be good and I have nothing to worry about . With a straight face and almost annoyed he said " yes, baby I love you too much blah, blah , blah. Of course something in my gut told me otherwise . I leave and return around 8 pm. Through out the day we only texted maybe a handful of times . I called him no answer , I kept calling until he shuts off his phone and never picks up until 10 am the next morning inly to tell me they towed my car.
In that instance I thought straight Karma Mother Fucker , as he returns hundreds of dollars later . He acts as if he did nothing he was just hanging out with friends . I of course go through his phone only to see about 10 numbers blocked . OMFG! he cheated!! OMFG He cheated !!. Yes, he did. I come to find out days later a phone call where an X calls and says" Come fuck me and Pay me ". That was such a disturbing call overall . He kept denying anything and everything . Months pass and one day we have a huge argument and it all comes out . I tell him I know he cheated since the beginning his friend confirmed it and he messed around the night I left . With a straight narcissistic attitude he says no". He says how much again he loves me . I balled up crying about two days , then one day he confesses and says " yes I did , but I was stupid and I love you more than ever.' OMFG ! the nerve of men . Really love me ! I said you love yourself and the Idea of getting blowed is your weakness.
All in all I will say this never in my life have I ever come across a pathological liar of this magnitude . It's unbelievable that almost two years that I endured stupidity at its highest level .
This kept breaking my heart over and over , and now I am just numb to the idea of truthfulness, not saying there isn't love somewhere but the level of distrust is unimaginable but real.
This isn't the first time , but I have learned to cope and be stronger and let go ! I do myself no good continuing to be with a liar, cheater and dishonest man .
It's hard to let go , but at one point is bound to repeat itself making me look like a fool .
This is me letting him know that I am no longer going to play the fool , and let him hurt even for an instance as much as he hurt me .Me walking away will be something that I believe will pain him but it's too late for 3,4,5, chances.
I've learned what I want, and don't want and, what I will settle for and won't .
This was by far that harshest experience.
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