Lately.....

food never fails

Alexander my oldest was such a gentlemen and gave me these flowers after our mother and son dance.

Zoe such a sweet angel full of light.

Zoe & Orion always having fun while also wanting to have the same toy.. Kids grow up too fast!

How Much More lonely can a women feel?

I am not sure where to start.i feel in a vulnerable place, but with heartache anything can happen.  We resort to the most unconventional places , where trying is no longer relevant.  It's been almost a decade . You would think think that after that long someone would know you good by now? Or is this just my belief? You see no relationship is perfect , no friendship is perfect, no marriage is perfect, and just like other scenarios nothing is perfect. But at what point do we stop trying? ,  When do we just give up ?   After hope and faith has vanished for that person, when can we turn and walk away? All these feelings all balled up in a knot , why?  These are thoughts  and feelings of a  mothers emotional struggle. You know sometimes we forget to be whole. In my experience i've forgotten who i am as a person. because i have others who so depend on me that i just don't know how to let things be about me , till this very moment , this instant . See, when it's all said and done and after i've written this chapter of my life , i will leave my body into an abyss. i would feel like maybe this is what i am meant to  be.. but by the time this actually happens i would have been sad and lonely on the inside. i quiet my head so that it doesn't speak anymore than it has too. And, yet i can't shake off this feeling of loneliness. I once heard  a quote from robin williams that goes " i used to think that the worst thing was to end up alone. it's not. the worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone".  This is powerful. Words are harsh yet so deep. But so is physical acknowledgment. The day you stop showing someone you care is the day you stop feeling it . Not everyone is all about the whole mushy love thing,  and hey i agree , but when you give that person your  all ,  your world and in return they don't show you appreciation and neglects your existence that  ,  is where life changes.  I believe that no one should ever make us feel lonely , but what if you've created this life that involves other human beings , what is a mother too do?

after all  is said and years of fighting over the same thing how can one find hope and faith again ?

this is where my belief is that there is no real fairy tale, love is hard, hard ,hard work, and if one isn't willing or just gives you a mediocre reason  not to change , how is something suppose to change ?

I know that at then end of it all , and speaking as a mother Im starting to feel like my feelings just don't matter anymore. That i have too be willing too suck it up  for the sake of my children even though i hurt inside..... and as i fight my heart and thoughts how do put on a straight face...i know all this is arbitrary,  as we do with all things in life , but how can we change what might not be changeable? how does one face it head on ??

gimme your thoughts..

Zoe likes to eat on her own

She just turn One not too long ago...She is very independent , and likes to basically do it all on her own ... Mind you this was the first time she sat on  her own to eat , without me having to hold her to feed her... and was it interesting ...the pictures tell a million words... But regardless Im proud of her trying out new things.  Growing up is fun !!!

Beauty Products Some new additions....

There are so many organic /vegan products out there. In my opinion some are just to expensive  and I'm always hesitant about making such a purchase. because with three kids , all I can think about is what they need versus what I need. It's a mom thing right? But every now and then it's ok ...

.After taking a quick trip to target last week I found myself browsing through the beauty isles , and just kind of glimpsing around for good stuff that could potentially help my aging skin.. ( not really ) but it's my mental agenda saying this to me . hahah!  And guess what I found ... Some awesome gems. that i know wouldn't leave me broke and would leave me feeling good after my purchase.

I am not a beauty guru , but I know what my skin likes and doesn't ....don't we all?  So far i've collected almost all of ( que bella mask) and put them on different occasions  I have a morning ritual and part of it includes these babies.

Que Bella cost about 1.57 each and up depending on the mask .. The one on the left was so relaxing to my face .. it wasn't organic or vegan but it felt great ...

These are vegan the cream is so smooth and soft . It doesn't have a strong smell it's almost like a light jelly and the mascara  has coconut and vitamin b. I am a huge coconut fan so that was on elf the reasons i bought this mascara. It's light on your eyes ,not all tacky and spidery feeling , the smooth application allows for a nice retouch . They were both under 18 bucks . You can find them at target .. Thats the cool thing about cosmetic shopping at target it's  frugal and fun all in one. By the way this was part of my quick run to target for one item, man target always gets me ..wink wink!