the moon. & everything else

The blood moon happened , and I wasn't able to observe all its beauty , because I was in the house drinking kamboucha and vaping . On top of that a lot other places it was clear but not so much here where I live .

It's  a time for transition and change ... I get the feeling that every full moon  It's just going to get better , Im crossing my fingers for the next full moon. Lets just so how much I can wait.. ( i know i am so impatient).

On another note I am trying to compile a list of books to read for this 2019.  I want to start  a 5 books a month list and journal  it as I go .

On my list , well Ill just wait for that ..


I have to report that I have been feeling a lot better than I had before , it sucked before because of the situation that I was in . However , things are looking up slowly and surely .

A small change is coming again , but Ill try to talk about that later.

Mentally , I could be better. I say that because shit gets all fucked up and I somehow can't explain it.

Nothing is perfect , and I like it that way .
It only goes to show me one strength at a time without me rushing to work on my self mess all at once.
I do want to tell you a little short story about something I heard regarding me , and how fucked up it can be when your own family finds it funny too call someone crazy , without thinking if that is clinically true. As a disclaimer , crazy can be almost anything , but some people just have so much malicious intent  that they feed off this intent. If that makes any sense .

After Christmas Eve, I was told that this older sibling believes that I have mental issues and that I need medication. Keep in mod she also has told me that her sons girlfriends has mental issues as well . I came to believe that just because someone knows how to have fun , sing, dance and drink a bit doesn't make them crazy.  Maybe crazy happy. As the story stops here , when fingers are pointed to others remember this karma works it's way around.

Nevertheless, for very small minded people crazy is such a loose term. With either no to small significance about the word and of course without any medical reference.

I get how talking about others makes you happy, but that isn't a topic of conversation for me  because i have a very busy life  and the fact that I had too in a small way clear the air is mind boggling, and BORIIIIINNNNG!...

Good Night ,
y.

p.s. sorry for the typos

Trying to survive

One of the things that doesn't come with a manual is how people treat you .

After living with a family member who in the past I have had issues with and thinking that they had change because of their constant  church going self's, I've come to a realization that people don't change or ever will change ..

That only seems to make them worst , and why is that ??

Because, it's a role they have to play  and maybe they got  tired of playing it.

By far these family members have been the epitome if horrible human beings.

I'm sorry but I can't act that way , at all .. And thinking of it that's my biggest lesson ever.

To not stay with people who in the past have acted so bad and mean to me .


When the tough gets going trust that the universe , it always wolfs in my favor ..

I was hoping for something better

I'M LOST FOR WORDS IN THIS POST. BUT AS MY FATE AND ANXIETY HAVE IT I WILL POUR MY HEART OUT AS MUCH AS I CAN .

IT'S JUST BETTER TO WRITE DOWN MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS TO THE WORLD OF THE UNKNOWN .

Around November Alex lost his job so rapidly . It was the most heart breaking time I went through so much emotional anxiety like never before. In my head I was like  , what am I going to do ? My three babies, oh my goodness....

And, like that I decided to move  in with a family member paying 700.00  dollars for  their second dinning room area.  Also their downstairs half restroom. Man it's has been the hardest two months ever.  The non stop criticism , over non sense . I have had it up to here . Wow, it's exhausting living in a place where your hated for being you and speaking your mind when there is so much unjust ..

I'm not the type of person who sees things and doesn't say anything .

Im dying inside with all of this . It's just the worst feeling if you ask me . 

Being a mother of three , I shouldn't be in this position . And I am no longer .

How can  people kick a person when she is down  and has lost everything ?? 

You can see where I am going with this and I am out of options. 

The universe always has something up it's sleeve.

Good Night!!