Nothing Changes

For about 10 plus years, i always wondered what my life would be without this person and here I am without him , And guess what it has been the same shit.
 I have really given up on this idea of love and thought, I can't handle how' bad my anxiety is.Yes, I am seeking help this isn't fun , nor do I ever find it funny or judgmental when someone is going through something like this . It's hard waking up  and feeling like shit . I hate that feeling that I won't ever feel normal .

Through the years and time I can't remember the time that I felt normal . What is normal? Really without loosing my shit ??

I mean obviously we all have a moment of oh shit more so then others . Im just torn between what has to be and  what is. Im not crazy really just not fully stable , with my feelings . The only times Im feeling normal is when my kids are around . The are really my saving grace , they are what helps me get up and fight . Im grateful for them .... Im not saying that Im normal but I feel at ease , I'm just like ok ..

No one that goes through daily struggles wants this or these feelings.

Im signing off.