This is NoT a CHOICE!

After and exhausting night , I am back and feeling better ,not 100 but better than yesterday that is for sure.

Sometimes life really throws balls at me,  and being the way I am I fell like I have no control.  I don't think that I am always up for a challenge when my plate is full.

Too many changes , duties for all these mind  games and maybe I don't want to TAKE LIFE so seriously just because I end up feeling like I am stuck in a rut.

My body feels better , I just wished I could change my ways and this attitude that I dislike so very much . Nothing is complete if I am not feeling incomplete. you feel me .

Being a really lonely person really fucks with your psych. It's not a healthy lifestyle really . But , I've gotten use to this idea .

I have been told that sometimes we dig ourselves into this funk , I say HELL NO who wants to live like this . Never in my life I would've thought that was going to be me . Lonely !! . but I always find things and reasons on why I don't like having close people near me . ( so maybe it's a choice ?) No i don't have a BFF or Friends .  I've always leaned to making more guy friends than female friends , and because I am married I respect my spouse to the point of I rather be alone than making him feel weird about this .

 It is what it is really ...

But my depression comes from a deeper place and really I am not sure why half of the time . Or where this comes from . ( this is a loosing point)

It's an unsolved mystery and it will stay this way , until I find those good folks.... that will help me realize this ...or figure it out..

You know ,as I am typing this I was thinking to myself , Why didn't I buy me that red wine and cheese I wanted .. I missed out and maybe that would've helped my shitty funk ...

I will stock up on red wine today  I need it ...

anyways well back to my real life and less  spilling my beans all over my blog .

thats all folks ...



peace
yes