Speak: Don't speak

I believe that things happen for a reason, that everything is a cycle, and that what won't kill ,will just

make you stronger.. I think that I have come to a realization that , maybe the solitude that I experience is greater then myself at times. I never have thought about why I am in the place that I am and, I can't question destiny , because the answer is right in front of me, no need for it. I like to think, that life is a privilege, that in someway I forget that
(how?) through my behavior... I have tried to be religious and when I say try , I mean literally tried. But I have fallen short , of what greater good I can experience.(making equally religious friends)..Maybe that's just not the way that it's meant to happen. You see, I have found myself lost in what I call ,self enlightenment. What does that mean>? well , just that.
I don't think I was born to socialize , or make a crap load of friends....I find it hard to to hang on, because in some way people have dared to say that , " oh I wouldn't do that , what would people say". I think that humanity in general ,have found that what others think should make them happy (sub consciously)... I realised that , way to late in my life, I can attest that it took me a while to get where I am at. I am forever more grateful , each and everyday , that I am given that fighting chance to live, breathe, feel, see, touch smell, and experience. I can't say that I am living an epiphany, but It sure does feel surreal.  I think I can categorize myself as a bit on a introvert sorta persona . I'm not always sure if  maybe that's a good thing, but It's just who I am. I don't believe that I have reached that  wise level, because i just don't feel it ;yet ,  I am human 100% percent of the time (subliminaly speaking). I  love me being me,saying, sharing what I think in hope that someone will listen. I don't have friends, and I have always been OK with that.... It's just that this can and has been who I have always been. Where I can find that empty pot hole and fill it with joy.  I'm always looking for a way to enlighten myself awareness.  I believe in GOD , full on.. I know that he will return , and he lives. In my mind and in what I say , I feel like being realistic is what I have set apart within me.  The world is so full of nothing.(cliche' maybe) but it' isn't ...The less you have the more you crave ...If it wasn't for  what I am seeking , I don't think that I would be who I have become over the years... I have enjoyed my imperfections, at a cost  and I know that one day , my faith will carry me on....