STANDING ALONE

LONELY... 

I'VE GOTTEN THIS AWKAWARD LONELY FEELING FOR THE PAST I DON'T KNOW MONTH OR SO .

Technically I am not lonely , but mentally i feel lonely. 

Maybe it's my depression speaking or just whats unfolding in my life now.

I am not sure what it is , but it's really messing with my brain .  You  know I hate it, because life is so short  and here I am feeling shitty.

I guess it's moments that just seem to happen in our lives, and in this moment everything blows.

The upside to this is that  this funk is manageable  but , I hate the feeling of it's return ".  If that makes any sense.

Ok, Ill speak on something else this is to less melancholy.

Just the other day I sat thinking what would I do if I was stranded on an island all by myself? (real talk )

I'd probably at first be excited to be one with nature, but after the second day start freaking out. Because , I know that I am not alone there . Creatures of all walks of life will be creeping up , and unfortunately  they wouldn't speak my language . And that shit terrifies me, wouldn't it terrify you?.

 The one good thing I would get out of it is learning how to appreciate my existence without complaining and feeling ungrateful. Now in that moment i can say , I would be standing alone. The odd thing is that it's how depression makes you feel , paranoia makes you feel alone. Uncertain of that very moment  that got me there. 

But in hope of soul searching so that I no more have to deal with this, and come out with the feeling of hope and know that I have learn something about myself other than my self pity. It sucks.

There is just so much that we humans need to learn , or In turn I need to learn about myself. The sad thing is that I don't know how to distinguish when I am learning something about myself and blaming it on that very moment.

It all will come too me ( i hope). AS lonely and shitty that life makes me feel , i know that somehow I can prevail , and come out feeling awake and alive. 

For now , i am here .....( not alone on an island ) but here....

-yess
Diary Day 2