Personal

As I was walking down the street the other day I noticed a bunch of girls laughing so loud and endless, I almost chuckled with them instead I kept my composure and kept walking. In my head all I can think about was how I wish I had a great group of good friends that I can count on.  Sike , that is impossible, heres why .

Ever since I was small I've had horrible luck with girl friendships, I'm not sure why . Sometimes I think I am a defective human being and thats why no one can ever be friend me .  For years , I tried being  that good friend only to be used . Crazy ! During those moments  I really thought i had good friends , talk about being naive.

Forward many years later and I realized that I am a guys girl. Meaning that I am more in tune with guys than girls . Why? For the most part its because I love sports, politics, and talk about random shit , and other girls aren't for it. AT this stage in my life my solitude has gained me experience and self discovery that maybe I would have never figured out . It sucks feeling lonely sometimes . But I remind myself that I have me , and that in the end it will be just me.

Is that selfish ??

Im not sure, but the way that life has hinted me makes me believe that it's what I am destined.
The only person close to me is Alex. And for the most part he's everyones friend , and he has always question my lack of friendships at one point .  But I don't know how to explain why? just bad luck ..

I always wish I understood this , but my lack of judgment has brought me here so I have no one to blame. But sometimes it feels depressing . Which triggers my non stop anxiety . It sucks ....

If you have dealt with similar feelings how have you dealt with it?

I am trying  to save and hold back tears,
goodnight!