the Breakdown

Imagine how easy it would be to live without expectations, judgment, & simple needs.

The idea would be to just live, live in harmony with yourself, be satisfied without expecting , live without thinking. It's being present .
               Now, how beautiful is that, Im not implying that it isn't now but it's a bit different. See,  I am a complete mess. And , if I want to do certain things ahead of time , I have already started to fail without even beginning. You get it , it's like the universe creates this energy so that everything crumbles, leaving me feeling weary to pick up all the pieces and in the end I feel vulnerable. I have failed  such a small task , I break out in my own head not knowing if I should move on , dwell in my sorrow of stupidity ,  or just break down totally.

Hello , and welcome to my world of anxiety where I loose my cool and have a fight with myself breakout in hives a have a panic attack in which I can't  find away to just be. Instead I'll sit here over thinking , over analyzing .

It's really hard to feel normal for me. And, or maybe this is my type of normal. As I type away how things occur it's not really normal. (hmm)

I'm really having a hard time with this , just because I  don't enjoy  speaking out .

This roller coaster of emotions,  never allows me to be at peace.

I really wished anxiety was so simple.

I've come to feel that it's like a bad disease. See for years I've suffered  with anxiety , I dropped the meds years ago , because they made me feel so nasty.


Medication seems to worsen the situation .

With time , i've learn to live with it  and sometimes I accept it. How do I accept it sometimes  by just making sure I plan ahead. I do this so that I can feel still , and in control.  My surroundings , can be at times hectic so all of this is important.

I think the one thing people need to have with people like me is patience , calm .

Think about it,  it's like being paranoid 24-7 around the clock . It's a very uneasy way of life.

Why ?  I am not sure , why anxiety feels like this.

I will say that , our country needs to help do more with people that have needs.  Mental help is key to living , and being healthy means a lot.

We are always swept under the rug leaving us to be stereotyped as crazy people.

Side note. We aren't crazy , we are just people. ahhhhhhh!

I'm not sure where to go with this. I just thought that I 'd share a bit of me .

Well good night or good morning , my insomnia seems to be on the GO .

Alright well I'm off , see you on the other side.