Giving Birth for the third time and how I feel about it

I'm pregnant with my third baby , and I'm three weeks away and I'm feeling the jitters. It's a beautiful thing to bring someone into this world a little human being that we can call our own . As a mom I think we all have those oh no moments  that can feel overwhelming. It has really been on my mind this idea that I will be back in the OhR (operating room).. A lot of things are a bound to change .

I've always wanted a big family . why? well because I come from a very small one and I just love that feeling of warmth that a family brings . Obviously , nothing is perfect ..But this has always been a dream of mine. The truth is that I never thought this would actually happen , and here I am about to have my third one .(I'm rambling my bad, i can;t help myself)) It's such  a beautiful miracle. But when anyone goes into an operating room there is just no knowing how things may go . But I want to think positive even though deep down inside I'm freaking out. 

This pregnancy has been really, really different in so many ways. First of all I'm having a little girl , I already have two beautiful boys , secondly she moves so much  I almost feel as if she wan'ts to crawl out of my belly  ( obviously she couldn't) but it sure feels like it. I am so tired , I feel like I can't breathe and her feet are in my rib cage (very uncomfortable). Lastly, I can't sleep right I'm tossing and turning all night , changing my pillows constantly , moving from one side to the other and this insomnia is outrageous ( i'm only 36 weeks)... All this is very new to me (believe me), I guess it's true what they say "every pregnancy is different'' ( so not a lie).  I've been to the Labor and Delivery room one , two many times .But with all this said, I  would not  change this  experience for the world, I've known of women who are trying to get pregnant that really can't so I'm grateful in every sense of the word, it's just been totally different.

All in all , it's been a wild ride but I'm fortunate enough to be in it.

 Being a mom has changed me in many ways , we start to understand our parents that much more and all that they have ever done for us and are still doing . We are always thier priority even after being so old, and I always remind myself that all the sacrifices that they endured might just be mines also. There are certain decisions that need to be a priority sometimes that boggle a parents mind, being a parents makes you that much more paranoid about the earthly things going on . It's crazy but  it's wonderful, if that makes sense.

Outside Time

Everything has been sort of all over the place , that sometimes we find ourselves having to get out more often then not. Obviously , I hate waisting money too just go to a place were I'm going to end up walking for hours . I don't mind it if it's Disneyland , but I mean who does right ? Last week we ended going to the duck park just a couple of miles up. It was Zen with a hint of heat . I can honestly say it was a  a nice breath of fresh air . P

What we've been up too lately

                               a lot of artistic projects, creating >

                                    and being totally random , it's safe to say that my boys love it.

                                     I still am in awe by how fast time has gone, Orion turns 3 soon and Haven turns 6 a week from Friday.. I'm starting to get all teary eyed just thinking about it.

I'm nervous//Rambles

                 I've been waiting for this moment sometime. I rooted the idea in my brain that this is what's best. That the fact that the teacher always complained about his ninja moves, and the fact that he wouldn't sit still  pulled me more to this very oblivious idea and other things that I rather not go into. Also thinking , how can I engage in his work more . And that time has come .After  a summer of long thoughts, and what ifs and a school year that began rocky, where every other third day something good will come out of his stay at school.

I'm homeschooling tomorrow . Yes ( it's so crazy)

I have all these knots in my belly , my nerves are kicking in , and I can't sleep go figure.  I'm pregnant , and I already have two boys.  One who is two and my oldest is five. No there is nothing wrong with this ....... I'm just full of nerves , anxiety ..

I did a lot of study and research way before his school years , but reality is starting to sink in deep in my brain , that I'm actually going through with it. Honestly , it's really hard to say how this will go , my only experience with home school is my online college classes.. I followed my intuition , and this is what resulted from it, my reality .

However . I am excited, after the states budget cuts where art, and music was yanked out of kids daily schedules , and with this kind of schooling he'll actually be taking both of these electives .Even though my family is against me doing it, this is what's best for him , and dad approves. Being a parent is one of the toughest things yet so rewarding. I can't imagine my life any other way , and part of parenthood  , is  making decisions that maybe others don't approve of. My philosophy is while he's enjoying learning, and is actually learning everything else seems secondary..

(his heart mask well at least that's we called it)

Off we go together Haven and I , in this journey ...

Mondays

A day to reflect and pause. With time being consumed by our daily rituals , just a quiet Monday. .....Blessed to have another week ahead of us......

Happy Birthday

To my best friend, and the best dad ever.
Yesterday was a day full of fun, cake and a lot of family bonding.

the park // my solution

A week or so ago , after speaking to my sons teacher , she mention that my son was an overactive child. At that point I didn't know what she meant or if she was stating something that I wasn't seeing. I got nervous, and I panicked. I guess I was just trying to make out what she had said. I want to believe that maybe it's just a stage or time where boys want to go crazy and are just be really active.  This really has my mind going .. I'm bugged and alarmed .With time on my hands , and that on my mind I have somewhat come up with a solution, to find a place where he can run free without breaking my bank..

What else and where else , than the park. It was so full , and I get anxiety with so many people in one place , but I have to suck it up and not think about that  All in all,  Haven and Orion had a lot of fun, made new little friends. That by the time we drove back home(which is like 5 minutes from our house) they were both were out , asleep.

  

Birthdays// Growing Up

I've been gone

I have taken sometime . Which seems like random time but time to reflect . There is so much crap and other things going on . I've seem to lost track of time .  All I can say is that maybe I just need to be more focused on what's going on now then , everything else . I care too much , I'm guilty . But I'm starting to realize its in vain .   With this baby coming , I have to just check my surroundings so that my harmones become stable. Being a mom isn't always easy , but it's fun . So cheers to a new start this month .

Mini Golfing

I'm beginning to think this is our favorite hobby slash sport .ha! If it was an actual sport I'd probably wouldn't get far .. Since H is going back to school we've been trying to crunch in some fun easy budget activities. This one has been an incredible success.

(Photos:iPhone )

Beach Day

The humidity in California has been horrible. But it never stopped us from going to the beach. Even though there was NO sun , it felt good, refreshing ( no sunburns here).  To top it off it sprinkled that day and it was so overcrowded which was peculiar given the overcast.

All in all it was one of those random fun days , I took in the beach by meditating for a while, because I just don't know when I'll be back...